


Without Hesitation

by hold_onto_your_heart



Series: Without Hesitation [1]
Category: Ocean's (Movies), Ocean's 8 (2018)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F, Heist Wives, Hurt/Comfort, Near Death Experiences, Post-Heist, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-29 00:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15061292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hold_onto_your_heart/pseuds/hold_onto_your_heart
Summary: It doesn’t happen as they expect it to. This is not how Debbie Ocean saw her life ending; by watching her best friend, her partner, beaten and bloody from being flung from her motorbike. Her partner, who she was fighting tooth and nail with about something so small and petty she can’t even remember now, is lying bent and broken on the other side of the road to her, impossibly far away. And Debbie hasn't had the chance to tell her she loves her yet.





	Without Hesitation

As time passes after the Met Gala heist, the frequency of the fights between Lou and Debbie increases. Two months leads into three as the pair continue to get into spats with their claws out over trivial things, overcompensating for the actual significant subjects thick in the air around them that they both don’t know how to discuss. One pushes, the other pulls, all shouting in each others’ faces as if they both wouldn’t rather this be foreplay. The other women of their team scatter when they hear the beginnings of another fight and don’t come back until the next day with the hope that the bite of Lou’s lips and the lingering gazes that Debbie doesn’t even realise she casts have resulted in the relief of the thick blanket of tension that smothers the loft.

 

Unfortunately neither of the two know where they stand with each other. After almost six years in prison with no contact, Debbie doesn’t know if Lou still wants her. Or if she even wanted her in the first place, for that matter - the boundaries between friends who fucked and their idea of romance have always been blurred. Debbie knows Lou has changed despite the multiple masks she puts up around people, in fact, Lou has even more walls than before prison. So she convinces herself that Lou would rather not be burdened with her or whatever their changing relationship could be, not that either of them could label it. Lou’s thoughts (not worries, she tells herself, she cannot spend any more time worrying about Debbie Ocean when she is right in front of her again) that Debbie doesn’t want her in the same way Lou wants her is born out of old insecurities that resurfaced as soon as she saw the name ‘Claude Becker’ on that goddamn list. Frustration shapes her features every time Lou thinks about Debbie, and more specifically her own feelings towards her; she doesn’t know it’s a matter of love.

 

* * *

 

It’s dark, and raining. Debbie didn’t bring an umbrella. Afternoon turns to dusk more quickly than she expects (prison is still hard to shake off), but she needs to be out of the loft and away from people, be away from Lou and yet another of their fights in particular. She had thought about going to the cemetery, but doesn’t want to be around ghosts or pain either, so she just walks instead, enjoying the freedom.

 

Eventually she finds herself in downtown Manhattan, not quite in tourist-land but close enough to be surrounded by over-priced diners. She notices that one occupies the site of an old favourite café of her’s and Lou’s, because God, every thought has be about Lou. Rain flies from her nose as she shakes her head at herself; more ideas she has involve Lou than not, and it would be lying to herself to think otherwise. Arriving in front of the glass doors she releases herself to her thoughts in pretense of reading the menu. Neither of the two had visited this place since the night before she had teamed up with Claude, not that she wants to linger on that. It was the last public place they went to together, just the two of them without the weight of their own poor choices, words, and handcuffs threatening to drag even more poison from their mouths. It was the place where Debbie had realised and then immediately decided to repress the fact that she was in love with Lou. Had been for months, if not years. It was - is - the place that she realises that she is still in love with Lou.

 

She is so lost in thought that she doesn’t notice the car skidding its way around the wet corner, hurtling directly for her. What does jolt her back to existence is the whirl of wind and the familiar rev of an accelerating motorbike; as she turns the scene sharpens. Lou - for that lithe leathered body who really could be anyone must be Lou - flings through the air like a ragdoll a child tosses out of a window. Debbie has never been a big believe in supernatural distortions of time (that kind of stupid thinking gets a con caught), yet the seconds between Lou launching from her motorbike and crashing into the ground stretches to days, and she can’t do anything about it. She just stands there, horror seeping through her bones and freezing her from the inside out while nausea rises from her stomach.

 

The gruesome crack of Lou’s helmet against the pavement is what thrusts Debbie back into action. Running past the angled remains of the car and Lou’s beloved motorbike, it takes all of Debbie’s instincts to stay upright, wobbly as she is on heels and fear.

“Lou, Lou, please, Lou,” she repeats as she rolls up the face shield or Lou’s helmet. There’s no blood on Lou’s face or any blatant facial wounds, but Lou’s far from unharmed. Her breathing is laborious and there is obvious pain behind Lou’s attempts at opening her eyes and smiling. If she were able to spare a thought for herself, Debbie would be uncertain that her heart wasn’t stopping too.

“This is…” A catch of breath halts Lou’s words. “Not how I thought I would go.” She’s barely keeping herself together.

“No.” Debbie is even worse. “You are not dying today Lou Miller, not now. Not when I’ve only just got you back.”

“You might,” Lou winces again, although whether that is from pain or Debbie’s tears falling on her face, neither can tell. “Want to call an ambulance then.”

Debbie half laughs, half chokes out an aborted sob. “Of course baby, just hold on.”

 

Lou mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like ‘Well I’m not going anywhere.’ while Debbie slides out this week’s burner phone from her pocket and connects to a 911 operator in seconds. Shock addles her brain as she spits out their location, unused as she is to not being constantly monitored and having a prison officer stride over to help - or harm.

  
  


The rest of the night passes by in flashes of lights and conversations - yes, Lou is conscious, no, there is nothing obstructing her airways. Debbie remembers to use a fake name with the paramedics at the last second; her and Lou always stay from hospitals, wanting to be as off the books as possible. She had ruined that for herself, but Debbie could still hold onto that for Lou. She would do whatever it takes to keep Lou safe.

 

And that’s how Debbie Ocean realises just how in love with Lou Miller she is. Clutching the bandaged wrist of Lou - or Lorraine as she is to the hospital - Debbie dries her wet makeup streaks and keeps vigil over her sleeping partner. She doesn’t even cease her watch to send a message to the rest of the crew.

“I’ve been so stupid Lou. Picking fights with you. I can’t let you die with our last words being about spoilt milk.” She talks even though she knows Lou can’t hear her, not with her system full of morphine. Maybe she talks  _ because  _ she knows Lou can’t hear her, and isn’t going to wake up prematurely in the middle of a confession that Debbie’s only just coming around to admitting she needs to divulge. So she talks and hopes no one is listening, letting truths tumble from her lips like a kid in an interrogation cell. She’s not stupid enough to say anything about actual criminal activity, although with all the feelings she’s been locking up she may as well add that to the list. She talks until the adrenaline crashes and she feels as weary as she looks. Exhaustion weighs on her from her limp hair to her sagging shoulders, and Debbie falls asleep in the visitor’s chair of Lou’s room, without knowing she’s in the most fundamental room of Lou’s heart.

  
  


Morning comes, and with it the regrets that the night didn’t wash away. Debbie wakes up before Lou to a nurse coming in to change Lou’s bandages. Violent blue-blacks unfurl across Lou’s torso, betraying the extent of her injuries while Debbie looks on, resisting the urge to bundle Lou away to somewhere she won’t get hurt. Once the nurse leaves a doctor enters, interrupting Debbie’s musings of what a lovesick fool she is to explain Lou’s injuries to her. According to them, the emergency surgery Lou underwent the previous night stopped her internal bleeding, but only time can heal her bruised organs and broken ribs. She has to eat only soups and liquid foods until she can run the risk of sitting up and swallowing without any pain. While worried, relief is what Debbie basks in; she knows that Lou has been lucky. She could have paralysed, but the doctor assures Debbie that Lou doesn’t even have any swelling around her spine, let alone any breaks.

 

“Lou Miller, you are going to be the death of me one day.” Debbie says as she sinks back into her chair, the doctor safely on the other side of the closed door.

“That was the exact opposite of the point.” Lou’s voice is low and gravelly. Given another circumstance, it would have been sexy.

“What?” Debbie whips her head upright, attention pinpointed on Lou.

Lou takes her time to reply, waiting to come round to consciousness more to get a proper look at Debbie through bleary eyes. “I did this… for you.”

Bewilderness seizes Debbie. “For me? Why the hell would you do this for me? Look at yourself Lou, you’ve got broken ribs for God’s sake!” Strands of hair swing loose around her face with her fervour.

“That driver lost control of the car. Skidded in the rain. He was coming straight for you; I had to knock him out of the way.”

Lou’s own confession renders Debbie speechless; neither of them had expected her to be so frank.

“You could have been killed! You can’t die for me Lou!” Debbie’s heart rate speeds up to one similar to the night before, no matter how safe Lou is now. In the silence that follows, Debbie comes to term with her own words, thinks about the gravitas of them. Lou was genuinely prepared to die for her. As if a life without Lou is worth living.

“Lou’s eyes flutter away, a sad smile spreading. “I can’t just watch you die either.”

Debbie wipes her eyes again, unwilling to think about how many tears she has shed for Lou lately. “Neither of us have to die.” They both sit still, quiet while thinking about their own storms of emotion, neither brave enough to say what they both believe and want to hear. Neither think it is the time to do so. At least this time, this is a genuine reason: Lou is still groggy on painkillers and Debbie’s nerves are just as shot. “How did you know where I was?” Debbie asks, her voice soft again.

“Later.” Lou dismisses as her consciousness slips away. 

 

Once Debbie is sure that Lou is asleep, she presses a kiss to her forehead. It is the most gentle she has been with Lou in years. “Ok.” More tears well. “Ok.” She repeats. “I love you. I’m sorry I’m such a coward. We should have done this before now, and I should do this again when you’re awake. I’m sorry.” She carefully brushes Lou’s overgrown bangs away from her eyes: a tender moment that no one’s seen from her for years. She knows now that they are most reserved for Lou. Returning to her chair, she hangs her head in her hands before making the customary calls to the rest of the team to get paperwork sorted.

  
  


It takes a week, but Lou is finally released from hospital. In the lost seconds between moving Lou back into the loft and assuring their friends that Lou is not grumpy enough to shoo them away for doting on her, Debbie promises herself to tell Lou the truth. To tell Lou that she loves her. As much as the team want to hover, they do get some time alone now that they share a room and a bed ‘just in case Lou needs anything’. Debbie doesn’t bother to lie to herself about it; she can’t let go of Lou after seeing her so close to death, and being in the room next door as she has been in the four months after being released from prison isn’t going to cut it anymore. She needs to be close to Lou, to physically touch her and know that Lou isn’t going to break in front of her or disappear.

 

It is one night not even two weeks after the incident, after ribs are wrapped and food is eaten, when Debbie decides to ask again. “How did you know where I was?” It’s not quite as soft as the first time around; Debbie’s tone has a more confident edge to it. She knows that if she doesn’t get her answer soon she may never get it, and she is determined to not have another failure. 

 

Lou is just as hesitant as the first time around, but she is just as close as they were in the hospital. The two are propped up against pillows on their queen bed, the millimetres between them so few that they constantly feel phantom touches from each other. “I didn’t.” She turns her head to meet Debbie’s eyes.

“You didn’t?” As much as she wants the truth, most of Debbie’s mind is preoccupied with how much she loves Lou Miller, from her shining blue eyes to her steadfast heart.

“No. I wanted a ride…. just around the city. As much as I enjoy the open road, one out-of-state trip is enough.” Lou struggles against the urge to turn away as she continues, “They’re too limiting. I don’t want to leave again.”

Silence falls as Lou’s unspoken words swirl around them.  _ ‘I don’t want to leave you again.’ _ is what the pair of them both know she means. And suddenly Debbie knows that she is going to be the one to bite the bullet, understands the fear that Lou is feeling right now. It’s the same fear she has felt every time the pair have danced on the edge of something different to friendship since she realised quite how she loves Lou.

“I don’t want you to leave either.” And before either of them can get any more apprehensive: “I’ve never said thank you for saving my life, so I’m doing it now. But I’m asking you to not do it again Lou, not at the cost of yourself. Because my life wouldn’t be worth half as much without you in it, and I sure as hell didn’t go to prison for that long only to get out and never see you again. You’re my partner Lou, and I love you, and I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

 

Neither woman moves as Debbie’s words saturate. Both of them are not one for long speeches, but if one of them had to do it it would be Debbie, well suited as she is to presenting heists. Lou is sure she doesn’t have to say as much to make her feelings clear, so she confesses with a simple, “I love you too. I didn’t realise that’s what it was until I was flying six feet in the air, but I love you too.”

 

Unbidden, a smile stretches across Debbie’s face. “It’s taken me twenty years to say that.”

“It’s taken me twenty years to realise it.”

Debbie can’t help but chuckle, elation pouring out from her. She hasn’t felt this light since the Met Gala, and doesn’t think anything else could compare. “We’re old.”

Lou shakes her head. “I was going to contest that, but I’m so tired I’m going to pass out soon. At nine pm.”

“You have broken ribs; you’re supposed to be sleeping.” Debbie snakes her hand underneath the covers to wrap it in Lou’s. They both know that they’re not going to be letting go anytime soon. “Do you want your painkillers?”

“Are you getting domestic on me already, Ocean?” Lou smirks. She’s not fooling Debbie however, Debbie knows flirting is how Lou best shows affection. That hasn’t changed, and she doubts it will.

“Just answer the damn question.”

“No. I just want to sleep.” An eyebrow raise accompanies her suggestive tone, despite the truth of her words.

Debbie tries not to scoff. “No sex for you with that rib. Go to sleep Lou.”

“Spoilsport.” 

Debbie laughs as she turns off the lights and tucks herself under the covers. She can’t quite curl into Lou with Lou sleeping sitting up to minimise the pain from her ribs, but she can continue to grasp Lou’s hand like she never plans on letting go. Under the cover of darkness, their mindless grins follow the tangible love radiating from them both.

**Author's Note:**

> Lou's fake name being Lorraine is an ode to Lorraine in Atomic Blonde btw, since the two look very similar.
> 
> I do also have an ~idea for a sequel as well, one that should feature more of the team :)


End file.
